On the long drive home from our holiday, we stopped at an inviting-looking country
café/restaurant to indulge in a last “holiday mood” bought lunch. On walking inside to inspect the ‘menu board’, we found, displayed amongst other lunch ‘suggestions’, “Sandwiches, with choice
of three fillings”and an “Avocado and salad wrap”.
I asked the woman behind the counter if I could please have a salad sandwich.“No, sorry, we don’t make those,” was the answer. I pointed to the “Sandwiches with choice of three
fillings” sign and asked if that might include salad. “No”, said the woman, “We don’t do salad sandwiches, but you can have an avocado and salad wrap”.
Noting that the wrap was more expensive than the (mythical) sandwiches, I asked if I might have, in a sandwich, what was in the wrap. “Oh, you’d get exactly the same in a sandwich as what’s in the wrap”, was the reply. “Well, then”, I said, “Could I please have a salad sandwich?” “No”, said the woman, “We don’t do salad sandwiches”, and looked at me as if I (the ever-so-slightly demented) customer was asking for something utterly impossible. My confused silence, followed by one last ditch effort at requesting a salad sandwich was met by a withering glance and a repeated, “We don’t do salad sandwiches”.
So I settled for a wrap, as I couldn’t be bothered with any more Monty Pythonesque discussion. Though I have to admit I did glance around for a hidden camera focussed on me. Sadly, there
I choose to comment on social issues and write creatively on a variety of subjects - for a variety of audiences.